Act 3.
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.


After releasing "The Stars and Ground" in November of 2019 (my 5th full length album in 7 years) I wanted to take a long break away from recording so of course it should surprise absolutely no one that I found myself back in the studio a few months later recording songs for "Disco Volante". I come from the last heaving gasps of a time that placed a high value on albums as a complete composition. The sequence and track list is something I spend way too much time thinking about. I consider the way songs play off one another, the sonic journey for the listener and even the way song titles aesthetically look next to each other. It’s a lost art but one that my OCD won’t let me surrender.

As a pop songwriter, one of the things I’ve always struggled with is keeping the songs simple. Not that my songs are overly complex but I do tend to overthink and over complicate things at times. I’m not very clever but there definitely have been some misguided times that I’ve taken circuitous deviations and been preoccupied with the futile pursuit of feign or imitation intelligence. [see what I mean]? So with “Seraphina” I really wanted to fight against those instincts and keep it simple at all costs. The chords, the lyrics, the melody. I wanted this to be the kind of song that (if you’re listening to it for the first time) you can sing along with it by the second chorus. Keep it focused and just create a super hooky pop moment. And with just a dash of melancholy - I think I was able to produce a sweet slice of pure electro indie pop. The best kind of love is a love that makes you better than yourself. This is a song about that kind of love.

I remember how excited and stressed out I would get going to middle school dances. The art of acting like I didn't care at all if anyone was interested that I was there balanced with the hope of a young fluttering heart. “Mistakes Worth Making” is a song about seeing my teenage crush on the other side of the dance floor and not having the guts to ask her to dance with me. I felt so let down at the time. I let fear get the best of me but there are so many decisions (some we act on and some we don't) that lead us to the place that we stand today. My mistakes are shockingly vital to the shape of my life.

“Carry On” was one of those songs that came from the writing explosion the started with “Elegant Disaster”. It just came very naturally. In fact, it came so effortlessly that I wondered if I had ripped it off from somewhere else but, after sitting with it for a while, I realized it was all mine. The song plays with the theme of our reflecting on our life’s journey (which is something I’ve written about a lot as I’ve gotten older). The dreams of our younger self that most often didn’t come true. Choices we made (or didn’t make) all lead us down unexpected paths to unintended destinations. How the heartache we feel is what gives our life depth, color and character. Knowing that life’s pain and missteps are a part of our shared experience. We all suffer that same tragedy together, so in a strange way, it’s beautiful because it binds and connects us.

"Battle Lines" is a song that I wrote shortly after releasing "The Stars and Ground". I was shutting down the house one night; turning off all the lights and locking up the doors when this melody just started to take me over. I ran up the stairs and pulled my guitar off the wall, scrambling to find the chords that supported the melody before it escaped me (as so many songs often do). It was one of those shiver down the spine moments when I pick up a guitar and 5 minutes later a new song is born. The sentiment that I was feeling at the time is that everyone is fighting some battle but some are just better at hiding it than others.

Not sure that any other song of mine has gone through such an exaggerated metamorphosis as “Elegant Disaster”. When I first started working on the composition, it was a slower, emotive rock song but once we got it in the studio it turned into this Daft Punk meets Duran Duran kind of thing. Sometimes you just have to let the song take you where it wants to go. They do tend to have a life of their own and that’s part of the journey. I also remember that I really hadn’t written anything for a while before coming up with this song. It wasn’t that I had writer’s block or anything, just that I hadn’t really focused or devoted a lot of time to writing. Once this song came it unlocked and opened up the flood gates to another 5 or 6 songs that arrived later that same week.

“Somebody to Lean On”. Wow, I’m not even sure how to memorialize this song. So this album was written and recorded during 2020, which means it was created in the universe of the COVID pandemic. It was also the year that my mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. These two terrible events converged to inspire the need to write this song. My mother in law was admitted to a hospice facility and because of COVID restrictions only one person was allowed to be with her, which was obviously my wife. I felt so useless and helpless. I couldn’t be there for my wife while she was experiencing the deepest pain of her life. I just wanted to hold her. To be there. For her. For me. The only way I knew to bridge the distance was through song. I know that probably sounds trite but songwriting has often been the friend I turn to in times of despair. I wasn’t interested in pop songwriting hooks or cool chord progressions or really even making a song that connected with anyone else. This was just for me and my wife. And maybe that’s why it came so quickly and easily. I just said what I wanted to say. What I needed to say. But when I was done... I realized that it was a pretty universal message and probably something that others needed to hear too. This song and my mother in law existed on the planet together for a brief moment... as she passed peacefully the next day with only my wife by her side. Probably the way they both wanted it.

I have no idea where songs come from... I'm just thankful that they arrive at all. I had no intention of writing anything at all when "The Fires We Make" showed up. This was one of those serendipitous moments when the chords, vocal melody and lyrics all revealed themselves at once. The opening line "Love is a game that we like to play like a child with gasoline" just fell out of my mouth. I had no idea what it meant but it felt like an evocative line that had more to say... the desire and destruction of a complicated love. My favorite song on the record.

"Stitches" is a song that I wrote during the recording of my last album and I just never got around to recording it but I always liked it so I knew we'd take a crack at it one day. My daughter and I are huge fans of the movie " A Nightmare Before Christmas" so I wrote this song from the perspective of Sally. Unfortunately, depression is a theme that continues to pop up in my songs. I guess songwriting is a cathartic way for me to explore, understand and heal this side of me. I think one thing I admire about this song is that it addresses a fairly morose subject but does it in a slightly vibrant aesthetic. To paraphrase a sentiment from one of my other favorite movies, “Sing Street”, I guess I just like the balance of Happy/Sad songs.

When I first started writing “Until I Disappear” it sounded like an old salty sea dog song. I kept on imagining this gruff and grizzly lighthouse keeper staring into the sea and howling his memories into to the depths. That’s why I wrote it in that waltzy 3/4 time; just felt like an oceanic hymn. Of course it developed into it’s proper form. Certainly a song that (not surprisingly) was written after months of isolation and quarantine due to the COVID-19 pandemic. The feeling of sinking deeper into an emotional ghost walk. Slowly unraveling and losing myself. But then also realizing that only I had the power to pull myself out of the murky waters; to reclaim my life.

I wanted to record a proper cover song but it just never felt like the right time. When I started to seriously consider recording a cover for this album it took me all of 2 seconds to figure out that it would be a Duran Duran song; after all they are my greatest inspiration and the reason that I became a songwriter in the first place. But trying to figure which song I was going to record was a bit trickier. There are literally like 50-60 songs by Duran Duran that I would love to take on. I knew that I wanted to attempt a "deep cut" - something that only Duranies would appreciate. I wasn't going to do something that's been covered a million times before like "Ordinary World", "Save A Prayer" or "Hungry like the Wolf". I also wanted to work on a song that I could make my own. I really feel like when it comes to covers you need to bring something of yourself and something new - otherwise you're just doing a karaoke version of the original. With "Winter Marches On", there was no way I could repeat what Duran did so what was the point in trying to just recreate the original. They'd already done that and they could obviously do it much better than me. I wanted to approach it as if I had written it. The original production was so esoteric and otherworldly that it was hard to imagine a song with guitar chords actually lived under all of that magic but when I picked up the acoustic I quickly found the bones of the song... and they were strong. When I first heard the "Notorious" album this was the song that resonated with me the most and looking back it really bridges the gap between Arcadia's "So Red the Rose" and "Big Thing". I feel like "Winter Marches On" could live on either album and feel right at home. I hope that Duranies enjoy my interpretation of the song and can appreciate what I was trying to do with it. In the off chance that the band ever hears it - I hope that I made them proud.

And this is where the story ends. The completion of this album also marks the end of Bittersweet Machines. There is no riding off into the sunset at the end of this movie but instead I am pulling the car to the side of the road, turning off the engine, stepping out and staggering away into the vast wilderness. It was a great joy to take this journey over the last nine years but all things do eventually run their course and come to an end. If anyone is reading these last words then you definitely belong to a very exclusive club of people that tuned in and for that I am eternally grateful. You’ve made this ride worth the price of admission. And while I did not achieve any notoriety, acclaim or success; I can definitely walk away without regret. I wrote the best songs that I could and performed them to the upper limits of my ability. All I wanted was to be heard and to maybe even matter to someone other than myself. To leave a little piece of myself behind and linger on for awhile after I am gone. To extend my reach beyond my grasp. Thanks to all that came on this adventure with me... it would seem that I wasn’t alone after all.